Time, Patience and Understanding: Creating a Bond with Your Cat
Last Updated on October 8, 2023 by Holly Anne Dustin
Ten percent of pet adoptions fail within 6 months.
Help, my new cat hates me. I have to return this kitten, I’ve had it for two days and it isn’t cuddly. I’ve had this cat for two weeks and it won’t come out from under the bed. My new kitten peed on the rug, I’m returning it. I’ve read all of these on the internet this week.
I think we have unrealistic expectations of our cats because we focus on ourselves and what we want instead of the cat and what she needs. Time, patience, and understanding, along with a healthy dose of preparation, are the critical resources for successfully bonding with a new cat.
Contents
Steps to Integrate a New Cat
Make sure everyone in the family is on the same page.
If you want to help a fearful feral but you have a teenager that wants a cuddly lap cat then the cat you adopt will disappoint someone.
What about other pets? Are they going to adapt to a new cat joining the family? Consider the other cats or dogs in your family before you go looking for your new cat. An elderly cat might not be adaptable to a rambunctious new kitten. Not all dogs are cat friendly.
Learn About Cats
Read and research what a cat needs to feel safe and secure, especially if you are a first-time cat owner. Understand normal cat behavior and potential behavior challenges. Think that through before you add a cat to the family. Cats are not the low maintenance pets that people think. They are intelligent, independent creatures worthy of respect and appreciation.
Felines make lovely family members but it is on the humans to make the adjustments to living with a cat. They need more than a litter box and food to be happy.
Understand Cat Communication
Cats can’t tell you “hey, I’m scared, help me out,” but they’ll tell you the same thing with their ears, eyes, and tail.
Cats also communicate through scent. They can’t say “is this my home?” but they want to blend their scent with yours. The rubbing on things, scratching, peeing on the bed? Kitty is making a place for themselves and making sure that all these strangers know she’s there. Cats are not trying to annoy you when they scratch the couch or pee on the rug, they are trying to communicate. Are you listening?
Cat communication and behavior is not the same as that of dogs. If you’re a dog person who is adopting your first cat, be sure your expectations are cat-appropriate.
Respect Your Cat
Cats have different personalities just like humans do.
Remember What Your Kitty has Been Through
Your 12-week old baby kitten has been pulled away from her mother and siblings. She does not understand who you are, if she can trust you, and what in the world has happened to her. If you adopt an older cat remember that he has lost his home and family. He might have trust issues if he has experienced trauma.
Be Patient!
Cats are sensitive. It will take time for your new kitty to adapt to his new home and to establish a bond with you and your family.
Prepare Your House
Set up a special place for the new member of the family. Give her all the essentials to give her a sense of security while she gets adjusted. A bathroom or laundry room is perfect. A bedroom will work but a shy kitty may disappear under the bed for a few days.
Put in a box or cat condo where kitty can hide. Tuck a t-shirt or pillowcase into the cat’s room so she can get familiar with your scent.
As much as you want to pick up and play with your new kitty, it is important to give her a chance to adjust.
Be sure to cat-proof the room. Look at the space from a cat’s eye view, especially if you have a kitten. Look for things like holes around pipes or spaces behind appliances. If you are missing Kitty look up! Cats love high spaces.
Fill the Room With Needed Supplies
- Get Kitty a new scratching post. Scratching is a comforting behavior and can help relieve stress for your kitty. Get a new one so it has no other cat’s scent on it to stress out your new cat.
- Don’t keep the food and water bowls near the litter box.
- Add toys. Balls, wads of paper, a paper bag to hide in.
- A Feliway plugin can help reduce stress.
Socialize with the Kitten
Start by visiting the kitty in the safe room for short periods of time. Depending on the cat you could interact by playing with her, grooming her, or petting her. If she’s not ready for that you could just sit in her space and talk to her, read to her or sing to her when you feed her or scoop her litter box.
Watch the cat’s body language. Don’t force her. If she’s growling, hissing or making airplane ears you’re pushing her too far. Offer great treats.
When she’s meeting you bright and curious with her tail upright, you can expand her boundaries. Close most of the doors. Expand her space slowly. Follow her lead. A confident cat or curious kitten can be integrated in 4-5 days to two weeks. Shy cats may take longer.
Cats and Kids
Be sure that little kids understand to be calm around their new friend. An insecure feline will freak out when confronted with the unpredictability of the average toddler. Show your children how to act around the kitty. Have them sit and let the cat come to them. Treats and toys can help.
Understand that cats will defend themselves if they are handled roughly or feel threatened. Your children are not at risk from your cat if you teach the kids from the start how to interact with and respect the cat. They are not toys.
Avoid Inter-Cat Political Strife
Cats are territorial creatures. Bringing a new cat home to your resident feline and expecting them to just be friends is usually a recipe for disaster.
Use the cat’s sense of smell to make the introductions. Create a group scent by scent swapping and space switching before allowing controlled supervised visits. Allow them to spend longer times together as it goes well. You can use the same techniques to re-integrate a cat who has traveled, boarded, or spent time at the vet.
Provide adequate resources. Cats can live happily together but it takes work on our part to make sure that there are adequate resources to allow them to live happy stress-free lives. Cats don’t like to share litter boxes, so multiple cats mean multiple boxes. The rule is 1 box per cat plus 1 extra.
If the cats have enough hiding spaces, high perching spaces, adequate food and water dishes spread around the house to prevent resource guarding, and toys to keep them occupied they can share space and even become bonded.
Again, respecting the cats’ personalities is important. Some cats are more tolerant of roommates than others. Again, it can take days to weeks for cats to jell together.
Cats and Dogs?
Introducing a cat to a well-trained dog can be easier than introducing two cats. Give the cat a way to escape and make sure the dog is trained not to chase the cat. Make the early introductions with the dog under control on a leash. Keep the focus on the dog rather than the cat. If your dog knows commands this is a good time to put him through his paces. Repeat the process until the cat and dog take no mind of each other.
Keep the cat’s food and water, and the litter box, in a dog free zone.
Time, Patience and Understanding Creates a Bond that Lasts
Hopefully, you have used your knowledge of cat/human bonds, the needs of you, your family, and your resident pets to select a cat that will fit in your household. Now you just need to give Kitty time to adjust.
Keep your expectations reasonable. Cut Kitty some slack. She might miss the litter box. She might stay under the dresser for a couple days. Build her confidence with play. Care about her and not just for her. Soon you will have a happy well-adjusted feline friend. Hopefully you have formed a bond that will stand the test of time and stresses of life. Your cat is a friend for her life time, not just as long as it is convenient.
What has your experience been in adopting and integrating a new cat? Any other tips you can share for bonding with your new cat?For more cat tips follow us on social media.
Other posts in this series:
- Choosing Your New Kitten
- Kittenproofing 101
- Bringing Home Your New Kitten
- Introducing Your New Kitten
- Bond with Your New Kitten
- The Best Way to Introduce a Dog to a Cat
- Can Cats and Kids Live Together
